Kristen, Karaoke and Chuck D

Cincinnati hadn't been part of the original plan but came in as a substitute after New Orleans was sacrificed earlier in the week. Our host Kristen was outside her apartment waiting after we'd neglected the ability to read numbers on buildings, it was on the third time of walking past that she decided we were in fact 'the English idiots' she had signed up for hosting.

Once we were able to get a word in edgeways some 45 minutes into the conversation Kristen asked us what we fancied doing for the evening in which we didn't have to go to the baseball.

"A few beers please."

Once again the memory has let me down a little but having established Keane's Everybody's Changing as my go to Karaoke record I wasn't going to leave Cincinnati without impressing a few locals...

Once the clapping subsided and having completely failed to convince Phil to sing in anything but the shower we did indeed have a few ales. Kristen's best friend bridget turned up but I don't really remember much after that.

The next morning Kristen guided us towards downtown Cincy where we had a very average curry for lunch. She left us to our own devices and our lasting memory of this town will be the fact that we learned TK Maxx is known here as... (wait for it)



TJ Maxx.

Exciting stuff.

The Cincinnati Reds game proved a popular event (they are doing well) and so we were reduced to standing room only.

We perched up next to an outgoing chap called Chuck D, we know he was called Chuck D because it said so on his shirt. But that wasn't the only piece of information that we were to glean from this particular garment. The other two bits of information were that it matched his Reds 'pajama pants' and most crucially perhaps that he was in fact their NUMBER 1 FAN.

It brings me great pleasure to bring you footage of Mr D engaging in a long distance ritual with Reds second baseman Brandon Phillips.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2PTXn2fL5k

Apparently this dance is a regular engagement between the two of them, Chuck amusingly calling it 'The Energy Exchange'.

After standing for around four hours and with the accommodation for the evening to be decided we'd left at the end of the 7th inning. The Braves went on to defeat the Reds 6-4 leaving us with a 5/8 record for the trip.

Chicago and Sean provide the next leg of our tale tomorrow as we approach halfway.

Streak Royally Screwed, Mastiff Centrale and multiple Brians.

As we'd previously ventured across Arizona a trip to an 'Indian Reservation' Casino had sparked our interest somewhat and with a few hours before meeting our next hosts what better way to kill some time?

Argosy Casino is a depressing place, packed to the rafters with locals seemingly faced with a choice between another spin of the slot machine and a day out in Kansas City. Faced with the latter Phil and I perused the various ways to lose our precious dollar.

100 Hand Poker proved my conquerer whilst Phil suffered at the hands of the Blackjack table, the money I had so brashly extorted from the race track was quickly returned to the Penn National Gaming Corporation without so much as a whimper.

Tiffany and Jeremy met us outside their home at around 10:15pm, it was with slight surprise that the largest member of their family was on four legs. They call him Brodey and he is huge.

Some quick maths told us that 220lb of dog equates to just under 16 stone and as he looks every bit of it. The Wikipedia entry suggests that whilst the Great Dane and Irish Wolfhound are generally taller than the English Mastiff, they are nowhere near as robust.

Robust he was.

Over the next few hours we explained the rules of Cricket to Jeremy who seemingly maintained interest whilst I used various garden props to explain the intricacies of the game. We spoke of movies, baseball and local life until we retired to the basement in their front garden, it was a strange arrangement but in the end we slept ok.

The following day was spent watching films including National Lampoon's Summer Vacation, The Foot Fist Way and Paranormal Activity before Phil and I drove towards Kauffman Stadium in hope of attaining a 6/6 strike rate.

The Kansas City Royals ended our run in fine style with the equal worst result in their
existence since 1969 losing a mere 19-1 to the Minnesota Twins. We drove back forlorn for another night in the the underground, it should be said that as all that have gone before them Tiffany and Jeremy were great to us throughout.

Nine hours North and East we arrived to meet Brian who has a pretty swish apartment in downtown Milwaukee. We headed out with his flatmate (also called Brian) and their friend Zain for a few beers and some dinner.

It turns out that peanut butter on a burger tastes pretty good and that Milwaukee is a pretty cool area to live. It's known for it's brewery history and if any of those reading this have supped on a Miller beverage then this place is probably responsible.

Although our luck in the casino hadn't been great something seemed to have fallen in our lap when Brian informed us that his firm had given him 4 level 1 tickets. The seats were only 14 rows from the players on the field, about 100 rows closer than we had been up until this point. Quite frankly we were delighted and the news of imminent tailgaiting fun the next day had us barely able to sleep.

Brian took us to meet Greg, a colleague and owner of the remaining ticket to the game.

In the UK tailgaiting refers to the practice of driving too close to the driver in front of you.

In the US tailgaiting refers to driving to the event car park, plenty of beers, a BBQ and a game called 'long toss'. Quite why it hasn't spread across the Atlantic I have no idea but it's splendid fun and even our 2-0 tossing defeat to the hosts couldn't dampen our spirits.

The view was excellent and as the sun baked down we enjoyed the Brewers going 2-0 in front before subsequently losing 10-2. The streak was long a thing of the past though and to be honest we weren't nearly as choked as in KC.

A stroll through the city, some Mexican food and a quick summation in the bar with Brian later we returned home with Cincinnati, Ohio the next port of call in our adventure.

Fort Worth It and No Drilling

12 hours of road, 6 hours sleep in the car and then another 6 hours on the road didn't leave us in the best of moods. Childishly I started to resent Texas for being so goddamn big, what I did not resent was our Sat Nav (now to be known as Brenda) telling us that we were within mere sniffing distance of a branch of Tony Roma's Ribs.

I talk often of this establishment, for I am of the belief that there is only one in the UK (Kingston) and I used to frequent it often because it's a delight. After a barrage of Oriental based foods in San Francisco and a basic diet of beef/chicken burgers everywhere else, the ribs would be a deserved reward for our efforts.

We couldn't find it, or we did find it but it was closed (permanently) and yet Brenda persisted in telling us that we HAD in fact arrived at our destination. After going on to lie to us about the location of a Starbucks we'd started to doubt her integrity, she was getting at us and we didn't deserve it.

Next door provided me with a pleasant but inappropriately expensive steak and Phil with slightly inferior ribs before we headed to the wonderful house of Anthony, his girlfriend Misty and their dog Maui. Arlington lies between Dallas to the East and Fort Worth to the West and is the home to both the Texas Rangers (baseball) and the Dallas Cowboys (US football) teams.

They took us to Fort Worth which featured a trip to a Tex-Mex restaurant then to a bar called the Flying Saucer. It's part of a chain that do the largest selection of draft beers that i've seen and 240 in total if you include the bottled variety. Drinking each of the beers earns you a plate on the wall, Phil gave it due consideration but with only two days it was too big of a task even for him.

After considering all options our excursion the next day was a self-guided tour of the Cowboys Stadium, which will be hosting the Superbowl in February next year. They let you go on the pitch and inside the locker rooms which is a nice touch, easily the best feature is the largest high definition screen in the world (53.3 metres diagonally) that hangs over the middle of the field.

A bit later we headed to for a quick drive around Dallas itself and then on to the game with our hosts. The Rangers are going well at the moment so the stadium was pretty packed, this translates into poor seats. Our rescue came in the form of a bar behind home plate that Misty had acquired tickets for, it was great and certainly the best way of watching the game. The Rangers beat the Angels 1-0 making us 5 out of 5 for the home team, I figure that if we get to fifteen/fifteen we make the news.

Post game featured a bar called Sherlock's in Arlington itself, a British pub! It's a giant venue with pretty cheap drinks and pretty much all you want under one roof including everyone's new favourite cover band Metal Shop. They were great fun, inviting a veritable hoard of women up onto the stage which worked in a fashion similar to that of the Pied Piper. We all had a nice chat/booze up after in what can only be described as an epic evening.

We're only the third group Anthony has hosted but they were both brilliant to us, he's been to three World Cups so maybe we'll meet again in 2018 somehow.

Having craftily updated my facebook status with the words of Gene Pitney's classic exactly a day before we were due to arrive in Tulsa, the four hour drive was fairly uneventful. Brenda told us Drillers Stadium was on our left, she wasn't lying and Drillers Stadium had to be the home of the Tulsa Drillers right?

"There's not many people there" I said as we approached
"No it seems quiet"
"There's no game on"
"But they were playing?"
"Yes, I'm sure"
"Well they're not there"
"I know"

So we got out of the car (the only car in the car park) and ventured round the periphery taking a few badly angled photos. Head in hands we strode back to the car,

"What's that on the ground there?"
"Looks a bit like a race track"
"Fuck me Phillip, it is a race track."
"Wait there's horses"
"And people"

So having driven four hours to go to a baseball game that apparently did not exist we've ended up attending a night at the races.

Fair Meadows is never going to host the Breeders Cup and the catering is fair to middling but the operation is quite well run, relatively busy and best of all free to get in. Despite running out of race cards (not that well run then) it would have been quite literally a disgrace not to have a few wagers. Having to think outside the box a little with the selection process I decided to use the patented Paul O'Connor clip clopping system.

I gave up with the Paul O'Connor clip clopping system after the first two races having backed both a last place and a second to last place. Still at $4 dollars down my night was far from over.

I decided to instead become a paddock judge, and as I gazed at the horses on parade looking for signs of fatness I threw a dart at a 4/1 chance that duly obliged.

I was $4.40 ahead.

My confidence in the my new system led me to stake $5 on what was to be our last race, worst case scenario I was to be 60 cents down and a hot dog that wouldn't go away. I liked the 7 the best but the 1 was physically huge, fit and resembled an equine Arnold Schwarzenegger.

"$3 to win the 7 and $2 Quinella (reverse forecast) the 7 and the 1"

My go-to attendant was impressed that I'd up my stakes, I could have bored her with tales of my gambling background back home but the gun wielding cowboy* behind me in the queue was not a man to be kept waiting.

Pgm Horse Win Place Show
7 Three Times Quick 7.40 4.40 3.20
1 First Arctic Dash 17.80 5.80
9 Takin the High Road 3.20

$1 Exacta 7-1 154.70
$2 Quinella 1-7 106.80
$1 Superfecta 7-1-9-8 1,291.50
$1 Trifecta 7-1-9 215.90

Somehow I'd managed to win a useful 116 dollars on the day, if I had any idea what I was doing it would have been totally different.

We returned to a night of relative luxury at a hotel before heading to Kansas City tomorrow...

In other news the Tulsa Drillers now play their home games at ONEOK Field having moved there at the beginning of this season, they also won tonight and we'd have been six for six and one step closer to international notoriety had Brenda not been lacking in recent updates.

Nevermind....



*It was a real handgun, scary.

"Phil Is that a two or a seven?"

Having left San Diego the relatively feeble two hour drive left us positively engaged by what Pheonix, Arizona had to offer. It was most amusing to see the temperature gauge rise from 85 up to 115 and we were noticeably smug that people once invented air conditioning in automobiles. Cacti were equal to my bad jokes in their frequency.

The recently purchased satellite navigation system did not least us astray and so we approached our destination around 5pm.

Jackie and Eric had agreed like those that have gone before them to host us for two days. They're both in their late twenties, from the States (Boston and Phoenix) and were quite frankly ideal. Having travelled Europe couchsurfing/hostelling themselves they were looking to return the favour whilst saving to go again one day.

Not wanting to stay in and impose on their evening of Spaghetti Bolognese we ventured out to check out the local social scene. The seven minute walk to Sonoma Casual Dining left us sweating up like the preverbial fat lasses at the disco. The bar was showing American Racing and had a betting window which while impressive in convenience only had one punter. He was doing his bollocks at Mountaineer Downs and I had nothing but sympathy for him.

We also met lisa the barmaid who was intrigued by our journey, she's from Chicago but has lived in Phoenix for the last ten years. She kindly invited us to a free comedy evening (at another fecking Irish bar) which having attended later on turned out to be every bit as bad as we'd predicted. We also met Irish Shaun that night who would later conclude our friendship by calling someone a nigger and getting punched in the face. We should have doubted him when he told us he was a spurs fan...

Our hosts were heading out to work early the next morning whilst we ventured to Starbucks to take advantage of the free wifi and do a bit of trip planning.

We have made the decision not to go to New Orleans in favour of considerably less driving and seeing two more baseball teams. I sent out a bunch of couchsurfing requests and having planned as far as Chicago in 12 days time we've become a bit more relaxed about what was looking an uncertain future.

It was with a mixture of confusion and surprise when two youngish gentlemen also frequenting the establishment tossed me a piece of paper before making a hurried exit. I opened the note to find a phone number and the name Tyler. It seems as though I had been chosen as a potential partner for the guy in question much to Phil's amusement. Unfortunately for Tyler there were two main reasons he wouldn't be hearing from me again, firstly I'm not gay (no really) and perhaps more crucially I couldn't read his handwriting.

Then came a quick laundry stop, car tyre inflation and another brief visit to the horse racing bar for happy hour before the game. A funny looking chap with awful teeth was telling us about his friendships with US sports stars, other patrons assured us he was full off shit and quite frankly we believed them.

lisa is a big diamond backs fan and was enthusiastic when we invited her to the game with us and so with Jackie and Eric there too we watched the Arizona Diamond Backs beat the Mets 3-2 at Chase Field. It's another great venue with a closed roof and is fully air conditioned, the beers were still bloody expensive though.

We're still rooting for the home team each game and are now four out of four, hopefully it continues although we're starting to wish we'd made a small financial investment in the proceedings.

After the game our hosts again returned home (work commitments) and we headed out to a few more bars. Once more the memory has weakened but we're definitely more of a novelty in places like Phoenix which generally means more craic.

In truth there isn't much to the place, but the people are nice enough and while I'll probably never come back there isn't really much wrong with it.

I write this in the town of Denning, New Mexico en-route to see the Texas Rangers play the Angels. It's a brutal 18 hour drive and we don't know where we're sleeping yet. All good fun though.

Our next host is a guy called Anthony in Arlington, to be continued...

But we did nothing, absolutely nothing that day...

I say we did nothing, we reached Anaheim, Los Angeles in our Toyota Prius after around 14 hours and 600 miles on the road. The road of choice was the Big Sur which to clarify is the picturesque winding route along Interstate number 1 along the West Coast. It was undoubtedly beautiful to look at but as the stress levels rose in solid traffic approaching LA we began to wish that we'd saved the time by taking the faster and uglier number 5. Directional inefficiency from the map reader and driver did not help, various profound disagreements ensued.

It wouldn't have been quite so bad had we not been letting down a man we'd never met before that had agreed to take us in as his guests for a couple of nights just next door to Disneyland. Some 5 hours after we should have been we shook Ronnie's hand and apologised for our general inefficiency. In truth he didn't seem best pleased and it appeared we might be in store for an awkward time of things.

It was soon established that he wasn't lying about problems with his eyes, when I'd made the Couchsurfing request he'd told me that he was unable to read my messages and that he'd prefer me to call. I'd complied fully but it hadn't really dawned on me that we'd be staying with someone in such a predicament. It turns out that being bitten by a spider (last November) can really screw you up.

As an employee of US Airways Ronnie has led a very well travelled life compared to your average American Joe. Getting free flights everywhere from Argentina to Rome he seemed to have an edge over me in the game of world knowledge, although he kept thinking Malta was in Spain so perhaps not!

His apartment was a small one bedroom place but he kindly offered me the sofa and Phil the bed leaving himself on the floor, he was so insistent that we simply couldn't refuse. I can't deny that it all felt a bit weird at this point. We were duly advised that despite the $69 entry fee, Universal Studios was the the choice for the following day and so that is where we went.

It was worth it, the studio tram tour being the standout highlight. Though at the prices they were charging it did feel a little like they were getting their own back for those movies that I may have considered illegally downloading a while ago (but obviously didn't!).

Onwards then we made it to see the Los Angeles Angels beat the Seattle Mariners. We got to see 4 home runs, which was nice...


After the game Ronnie joined us on a trip to Bubba Gump Shrimp (lovely) and a trip to Fullarton which is a local nightlife hotspot. By this time it was fairly dark so he was pretty much reduced to total blindness, I'd love to know what the twenty-something locals thought of two white English boys leading a 46 year old partially sighted black man through various crowded late-night bars and music venues. I certainly felt a bit weird, but really it was one of those times where you just get on with it without giving a shit what anyone thinks. I'm hopeful that after everything he forgave us for making him waste an entire evening, he has surgery in two weeks so fingers crossed he gets his sight back and can come to visit me in Spain :).

We were on the road again this morning and having purchased a Sat Nav felt a lot more confident about our ongoing journey. Some 90 minutes later we arrived in San Diego and headed straight to see the Padre's beat the Arizona Diamondbacks 6-4. The stadium has real character and has probably gone in as my new favourite.

We're only here for one day but two things have struck me about San Diego, firstly it's standout the best place we've been to so far and secondly the people are just beautiful. I've never seen anything like it and I have to include Croydon in that, I really do.

All that said we've bottled it and returned to a hostel for an early ish night (after a few beers). We're headed to Phoenix, Arizona tomorrow to meet Eric and Jackie our hosts for two nights.

Until next time...

Irish bars, Pouria, Archie, Haight and Racist 5

Wednesday 14th July

Leaving the hostel we headed to meet our couchsurfing host for the next two nights, the bus was numbered 38 and took us West about half an hour outside of the city centre. I hope everyone will forgive me the sycophancy and I write this knowing that he'll be reading it soon enough but our host(s) couldn't have done a better job in looking after us.

Pouria is same age as us and waiting to start a law degree in August at a cost of $60,000 a year! He has only been in his apartment a few weeks but seemed to have learned the 'ins and outs' of San Francisco pretty quick. We went for a lovely Korean lunch just around the corner followed by a bit of a hike up to Golden Gate bridge. It was nice to get some of the touristy stuff out of the way early doors, we saw Alcatraz from afar but bookings were full so we had to 'bat on'.

For some reason Phil thought it would be a good idea to enter a convenience store in a very poor part of town (near the hostel from day 1) to purchase some batteries in order to operate his camera. Apparently they only sell them individually, seemingly unperturbed by this revelation he proceeded with the transaction offering the full asking price of 50 cents each times four. 6 hurried photos later we were back to square one frustratingly leaving some idyllic moments uncaptured forever.

Pouria then properly introduced us his house mate Archie who lived up to his billing as a decent guy, he works from home during the day but took the opportunity to come out for what turned out to be our one and only 'drinking night' in San Francisco. The guys are into their comics and whilst it probably isn't really our bag we enjoyed the trip to the store, followed by what I can only describe as a 'posh pub dinner' in the district of Haight. We returned to the vicinity of the guy's apartment and attacked the local bars. It was an entertaining night that featured a dominant victory for GB at darts, some 'off the wall' karaoke (not me for a change) and meeting a few locals. We were introduced to a brew called Racer 5, so disgusting did I find it that I was to soon rename it Racist 5 and storm off (after downing it in protest).

After commenting that Irish bars in the US were a massive cliche and that we weren't going to any more for the entire trip we were soon convinced by some local girls to attend an establishment called The Bitter End (as Irish as St Patrick basically). From there it all gets a bit hazy unfortunately but needless to say the signature dance probably got a bit of an airing....

Thursday 15th July


The next morning we wanted pancakes and thanks to our host that is what we got, they were great and the staff were excellent banter. Shortly after we spent a couple of hours trying to fix my busted laptop and it did look as though that might be an early end to the blog but sadly you'll all have to pretend to have read it now as it was fixed bizarrely just by removing the battery.






For some reason the next step was a kids science exhibition, we paid $15 each to walk around awkwardly for an hour and to this point I'm still not sure why. I did get a coolish photo out of it though.

Onwards we strode to the first game of our trip at the home of the San Francisco Giants. As we approached it went a little something like this;

"You know we only have one option for dinner tonight don't you Phil."
"Corn Dogs" he replied
"Well I was thinking Hot Dogs but yeah, anything in that ballpark."

We paid $20 each to sit in the clouds but still had a pretty great view in what was a magnificent place, it overlooks the bay so for the really big games people will hang around in kayaks outside waiting for the home run balls to land in the sea so they can paddle over to get them. It's supposed to be the very best stadium and I would be surprised if there were many better, the only thing it lacked was a little roughness in the atmosphere to give the game an extra edge. The plan to get a few beers in to get the party started fell flat on its face when we saw the price of $9 each and that's just not cricket so a big nothing done from us.


The Giants beat the Mets 2-0 and Lincecum pitched a complete game but I don't suppose any of you really care about that. Fortunately we managed to negotiate the journey home without any real issues though you do forget at times just how rough parts of America can be, I was very on my guard tonight much to Phil's amusement and perhaps frustration. My view is very much that any sort of mugging incident would seriously hurt the limited budget at this point and that we can't be too careful, I was also wearing my 'British Shorts' so any attention drawn was surely not going to be positive.

We're off to pick up the hire car early in the morning, drive 8 hours along the Big Sur and then meet Ronald (our next host) in Anaheim.

Update in a day or two...

San Fran 'Cisk' o Day 1

Most used phrase from the trip betting just in...

"It's like a scene from the wire" (no offers)
All other phrases (100/1)

To an extent it was like The Wire, save the two naive white tossers (mostly me) shitting themselves at the first sign of being asked for change. Still down Ellis Steet we strode after all it couldn't be too far could it?

"Well the hostel is number 649, what number is that there?"
"113"
"Bugger"

The friendly staff kindly informed us that it was probably best not to approach the hostel from the direction we did, we thanked them for the advice and left to promptly change our underwear (and it had been 3 days).

After that we were the consummate professional tourists, our confidence in ourselves only exceeded by a local back street clothes operation. (see image)

Soon we made our drinking debut of the tour, a swift one each costing a tidy $18 meant we didn't stay for long.

A little stroll through the financial district, the port and dinner in Chinatown (set menu 6 out of 10) left us quite frankly exhausted and unable to give it the full effort. We watched the conclusion of the All Star Game in another Irish bar but again dropped the shoulder after the first.

Early night and ready to meet our first couch surfing host tomorrow...

Excitement brews after lots of flying and airport floor for a bed.

We're both quite smelly and can't find a shower, things will improve and these posts will get a lot more interesting...

San Francisco hostel tonight, will feel like paradise...

Week to go

One week till we leave, first game in San Francisco on the 15th July. Lets go Giants